For those that may not know, even though the surgery was a total success, there were still pathology reports that we were waiting for to see if the margins around the tumor were clean or free from cancer. That report was given to us on Tuesday by Dr. Goff. All the margins were clean and no traces of cancer in the tissue around the tumor were present! There was some residual cells which is not uncommon but that can be treated with a combination of radiation/chemo and in my case hopefully will be very minimal. It is interesting to note that Dr. Goff placed clips inside my chest wall where he thought the areas that would most likely have cancer in the tissue and all of those places came back negative for cancer.
From a spiritual perspective, my father has given me many blessings through this fight with cancer and every time he has specifically blessed me with "clean margins" around the tumor. I am grateful for those blessings of a loving father and his faith in the Lord's ability to treat me and make me whole again.
I have a follow up on October 22nd, and from there we'll know what post surgery treatment I will have and we will go from there. Thank you for your continued thoughts, faith, love, support, and prayers.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Miracles Never Ceased and Continue Today!
It has been nine days since I had my surgery and I thought today would be a good time to update everyone on what has transpired since my last post as well. As you know, September 26th was the big day of surgery and it was a total success! Before I elaborate more on the success of the the surgery there are some things I would like share. The first thing is I have always maintained that miracles do exist even in our day and time. Even as pessimistic or unbelieving that society has become, it doesn't change the fact that God continues to perform miracles today just as in biblical times.
Secondly, until about two weeks ago, I had thought that faith was the main factor in whether miracles happen or not. I have learned in my experience that it is more than just faith. It is having the faith that the miracle sought out is possible, and accepting God's will unconditionally even if his will is not to perform the sought out miracle. When Dr. Goff met with us a few weeks ago before the surgery, he said that the reduction of 60% was great news and that we should be happy about that. He also said there was a chance he may not be able to remove all the tumor because of its location so close to the aorta and left subclavian artery. He said he'd do his best but that was the possibility to be aware of. After months of chemotherapy, after being emotionally and physically tired for so long, it took some time to take in that the tumor may not be able to be removed in its entirety. It was probably the hardest thing for me to say, "Heavenly Father, I have the faith that the surgery will be a success and the tumor will be removed in its entirety, if it is thy will. I accept thy will whatever the outcome may be." Once I truly accepted it in my heart and my mind I was very much at peace and went into the surgery very calm still not knowing what the final outcome would be but knowing that a loving Heavenly Father was with me and watching over me.
Returning to the success of the surgery. The surgery lasted 6 hours and I am glad I was the one having surgery because had I been in the waiting room, I'm sure it would have been the longest 6 hours of my life. Dr. Goff was able to use his great talents and I feel God blessed him as well so that he'd be sharp and precise and he removed the tumor in its entirety. He did have to do some grafting on my left lung and inside the chest wall. There was even removal of a great portion of the innominate vein. There also was some dissecting around the nerve that is part of the voice box and Dr. Goff thought my voice would be soft or hoarse for many months and that I would even need speech therapy. None of that was the case and I was sipping water and talking to my nurse within a few hours of being transferred to my room. I count that as another miracle, and the miracles have been many.
I was suppose to stay in the ICU for at least two days depending on my recuperation and progress. Within about 15 hours I was transferred to a regular room with the ability to eat anything I wanted. Previously I had been restricted to no food and only able to take liquids by sucking on a sponge. Last time I had the sternotomy, it lasted only 2 hours and I was in the hospital for 5 days. This time it was 6 hours and I was home within three days. I got home Saturday and have been up and walking around, and going up and down the stairs by myself. The first time I had the surgery, Gloria had to bathe me for a week, and this time she only had to bathe me on Saturday and I have been blessed to do it myself everyday this week.
What I have taken from this whole journey that started back in May is there are little miracles that happen everyday of our lives. The question is do we have our eyes openly spiritually enough to recognize them? I am so grateful for this experience as it has taught me to treasure life on a deeper level and to recognize what a blessing it is to just go for a walk or sit down to eat dinner with the ones you love. I look forward to each day looking for that miracle whether big or small because they are there, we just have to keep our eyes open long enough to see them.
Secondly, until about two weeks ago, I had thought that faith was the main factor in whether miracles happen or not. I have learned in my experience that it is more than just faith. It is having the faith that the miracle sought out is possible, and accepting God's will unconditionally even if his will is not to perform the sought out miracle. When Dr. Goff met with us a few weeks ago before the surgery, he said that the reduction of 60% was great news and that we should be happy about that. He also said there was a chance he may not be able to remove all the tumor because of its location so close to the aorta and left subclavian artery. He said he'd do his best but that was the possibility to be aware of. After months of chemotherapy, after being emotionally and physically tired for so long, it took some time to take in that the tumor may not be able to be removed in its entirety. It was probably the hardest thing for me to say, "Heavenly Father, I have the faith that the surgery will be a success and the tumor will be removed in its entirety, if it is thy will. I accept thy will whatever the outcome may be." Once I truly accepted it in my heart and my mind I was very much at peace and went into the surgery very calm still not knowing what the final outcome would be but knowing that a loving Heavenly Father was with me and watching over me.
Returning to the success of the surgery. The surgery lasted 6 hours and I am glad I was the one having surgery because had I been in the waiting room, I'm sure it would have been the longest 6 hours of my life. Dr. Goff was able to use his great talents and I feel God blessed him as well so that he'd be sharp and precise and he removed the tumor in its entirety. He did have to do some grafting on my left lung and inside the chest wall. There was even removal of a great portion of the innominate vein. There also was some dissecting around the nerve that is part of the voice box and Dr. Goff thought my voice would be soft or hoarse for many months and that I would even need speech therapy. None of that was the case and I was sipping water and talking to my nurse within a few hours of being transferred to my room. I count that as another miracle, and the miracles have been many.
I was suppose to stay in the ICU for at least two days depending on my recuperation and progress. Within about 15 hours I was transferred to a regular room with the ability to eat anything I wanted. Previously I had been restricted to no food and only able to take liquids by sucking on a sponge. Last time I had the sternotomy, it lasted only 2 hours and I was in the hospital for 5 days. This time it was 6 hours and I was home within three days. I got home Saturday and have been up and walking around, and going up and down the stairs by myself. The first time I had the surgery, Gloria had to bathe me for a week, and this time she only had to bathe me on Saturday and I have been blessed to do it myself everyday this week.
What I have taken from this whole journey that started back in May is there are little miracles that happen everyday of our lives. The question is do we have our eyes openly spiritually enough to recognize them? I am so grateful for this experience as it has taught me to treasure life on a deeper level and to recognize what a blessing it is to just go for a walk or sit down to eat dinner with the ones you love. I look forward to each day looking for that miracle whether big or small because they are there, we just have to keep our eyes open long enough to see them.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
September is Here
We are now in September and we have met with Dr. Goff the surgeon on September 10th. He was very thorough and explained to us the risks and scenarios that might take place during the surgery. There is probably one nerve and vein that they will have to sacrifice but he feels they are already not working because of how my diaphragm on the left side isn't working and the vein is where the blot clot was and the tumor had it closed off as well and the blood has re-routed itself and so I haven't been using it for some time. He did say he wanted to check with some other cancer centers to make sure that there isn't some other treatment they should be doing per-operation. He said it was good that the tumor shrunk 60% and he had hoped it would have shrunk more to make sure that he can take out all of it. Worst case scenario, he may have to leave some of the tumor in if it is close to some arteries that they can't mess around with. If that is the case then there may be some treatment of chemo with radiation but we won't know until we get the surgery.
The surgery is scheduled for September 26th. Dr. Goff has already spoken with the National Cancer Institute in D.C., and the medical oncologist who authored the papers on how to treat thymic cancer. This medical oncologist said that Dr. Goff and Johnson have done everything he would have done and that surgery is the best option now. He said he would look at the CT scans and let Dr. Goff know if there is anything else he can offer in terms of input after reviewing them. Dr. Goff said it was comforting to know that the person who authored the treatment of thymic cancer agreed that they have done the right treatment. So until then to all my friends and family, we'll be looking towards the 26th and from there I promise to be more prompt in getting an update on the blog. I ask for your continued prayers, faith, and thoughts on behalf of myself and my family. As my dad told me on every letter during my two years on a mission: "Keep the Faith"
The surgery is scheduled for September 26th. Dr. Goff has already spoken with the National Cancer Institute in D.C., and the medical oncologist who authored the papers on how to treat thymic cancer. This medical oncologist said that Dr. Goff and Johnson have done everything he would have done and that surgery is the best option now. He said he would look at the CT scans and let Dr. Goff know if there is anything else he can offer in terms of input after reviewing them. Dr. Goff said it was comforting to know that the person who authored the treatment of thymic cancer agreed that they have done the right treatment. So until then to all my friends and family, we'll be looking towards the 26th and from there I promise to be more prompt in getting an update on the blog. I ask for your continued prayers, faith, and thoughts on behalf of myself and my family. As my dad told me on every letter during my two years on a mission: "Keep the Faith"
Labor Day Weekend
With everything that has happened in the last month, Gloria and I decided we needed a break. So we decided to use some free nights we had in Vegas and headed down there over Labor Day weekend. We took Zoe and Gloria's aunt with of us of course. It was great and a lot of fun and all we did was hang out. I think the fact that we got out of town we kind of forgot about everything and just enjoyed each others company. Zoe loved the Bellagio's water show even though it would startle her every time the water would shoot up in the air. She loved the pool too where we stayed.
When I was driving back and forth to St. George during the floods in 2011. I was making the trip weekly for about four months. I never stopped at Cove Fort near Beaver. This time on our way down we stopped and had one of the best experiences with the missionaries down there getting a tour of Cove Fort and learning about it. I recommend anyone heading either down or back to take an hour out of your drive and go have a great spiritual experience there.
When I was driving back and forth to St. George during the floods in 2011. I was making the trip weekly for about four months. I never stopped at Cove Fort near Beaver. This time on our way down we stopped and had one of the best experiences with the missionaries down there getting a tour of Cove Fort and learning about it. I recommend anyone heading either down or back to take an hour out of your drive and go have a great spiritual experience there.
What a Journey Thus Far!
My last post was July 30th and I apologize to those that may have been worried that something bad happened or that sometimes just not knowing can make one nervous. I was suppose to start my 4th round of chemotherapy on August 7th, but I was a little sick and so I had to wait until August 13th because the my oncologist said that even little cold combined with chemotherapy could have serious consequences to my health and my immune system. I was a little bummed by that news but at the same time knew that following my doctor's instructions is kind of like following a map. If you pay close attention to where you need to go you'll most undoubtedly make to your destination. If you don't pay close attention then you'll most likely end up way off course and then it takes that much more effort to get back on track.
August 13th came and went for my chemotherapy. I did pretty good this time but it was a little bit lonely because Gloria was unable to stay with me all the days I was there. There is always a positive for every negative I believe and that positive is the time away during the night and day always makes the heart the fonder. I didn't have any complications and as much as the nurses were so wonderful I told them that I hope I don't have to see them again. This was my final round of chemotherapy in the sense of being in the hospital for three days at a time receiving 72 straight hours of it. If I do have to do follow-up chemotherapy it will most likely be an outpatient and last only a few hours. I'm grateful to the medical oncology staff at McKay for their awesomeness in taking care of me.
August 21st I had a CT scan to see what the effects the third and fourth rounds of chemotherapy had on the tumor. This time though it didn't become a waiting game as the hospital had all the information from the previous scans and by Friday, August 24th we found out that the tumor had shrunk another 10%. 60% in total which I was very excited about and thankful to my Heavenly Father because the cancer is so rare that there is not a lot of information on how to treat it. My oncologist said many times the tumor will start to become resistant to the chemo drugs and so he said the reward does not outweigh the effects and so he wasn't going to recommend any more chemo rounds because of the toll it was taking on me. He said that surgery was the next step. They also found a blood clot on the CT scan so I had to go back in for an ultrasound to confirm the blood clot and was then put on blood thinners and some really "fun" shots that have to be administered into the stomach near the belly button. I'm glad I'm done with those for the time being.
This same day I started getting more of the chemo effects that I have not had to endure up to this point. This one being canker sores all over the inside of my mouth, a bad cough, and loss of appetite I spent from Friday, August 24th to August 26th in bed too ill to even get up. I did get some awesome medicine from my doctor that temporarily numbed the mouth. As I was laying in bed and just feeling physically horrible the following scripture came to my mind: "But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." (Alma 34:41) I can say that this is true. Patience and trust in the Lord. At the time it seems that our troubles and afflictions may never pass but they do.
August 27th seemed like a normal day. I had a little bit of a cough and even went to the doctor's office to have my white blood count checked. I talked to my doctor a little and said I was fine for the most part just a little bit of coughing here and there but nothing serious. Well later that night around 9:00 PM I started to have a cough attack and ended up in the emergency room at Davis Hospital. My awesome brother Josh was there as he works there to get me in quick to see a doctor. They ran some tests and checked my blood and got me some good cough medicine so I could sleep. They found I had a respiratory infection and the blood tests came back that my white blood count was low and that my platelets were low as well. So the next day I went back to my doctor and got a white blood cell booster shot and also scheduled a platelet transfusion at McKay. The platelet transfusion was August 29th and it was quick and easy but man do those things make you sick as can be. The good thing is the effect was short lasting and by the evening I was feeling a lot better.
So we've had a few bumps in the road since finishing the last round of chemotherapy to say the least. Its okay though because we could have had these after each chemo session and I'm so grateful that I didn't. It's a question of attitude. Is the cup half empty or is it half full. We can either go in with a good attitude and a grateful heart for all the blessings we have in our lives or be negative and be bitter which doesn't help us grow or learn. If we don't grow and learn what was the point of going through everything? God doesn't allow us to go through trials just because. I strongly believe there is a reason for it and if we are willing to submit to his will, I know we'll come out stronger physically and spiritually and will be better people because of it.
August 13th came and went for my chemotherapy. I did pretty good this time but it was a little bit lonely because Gloria was unable to stay with me all the days I was there. There is always a positive for every negative I believe and that positive is the time away during the night and day always makes the heart the fonder. I didn't have any complications and as much as the nurses were so wonderful I told them that I hope I don't have to see them again. This was my final round of chemotherapy in the sense of being in the hospital for three days at a time receiving 72 straight hours of it. If I do have to do follow-up chemotherapy it will most likely be an outpatient and last only a few hours. I'm grateful to the medical oncology staff at McKay for their awesomeness in taking care of me.
August 21st I had a CT scan to see what the effects the third and fourth rounds of chemotherapy had on the tumor. This time though it didn't become a waiting game as the hospital had all the information from the previous scans and by Friday, August 24th we found out that the tumor had shrunk another 10%. 60% in total which I was very excited about and thankful to my Heavenly Father because the cancer is so rare that there is not a lot of information on how to treat it. My oncologist said many times the tumor will start to become resistant to the chemo drugs and so he said the reward does not outweigh the effects and so he wasn't going to recommend any more chemo rounds because of the toll it was taking on me. He said that surgery was the next step. They also found a blood clot on the CT scan so I had to go back in for an ultrasound to confirm the blood clot and was then put on blood thinners and some really "fun" shots that have to be administered into the stomach near the belly button. I'm glad I'm done with those for the time being.
This same day I started getting more of the chemo effects that I have not had to endure up to this point. This one being canker sores all over the inside of my mouth, a bad cough, and loss of appetite I spent from Friday, August 24th to August 26th in bed too ill to even get up. I did get some awesome medicine from my doctor that temporarily numbed the mouth. As I was laying in bed and just feeling physically horrible the following scripture came to my mind: "But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." (Alma 34:41) I can say that this is true. Patience and trust in the Lord. At the time it seems that our troubles and afflictions may never pass but they do.
August 27th seemed like a normal day. I had a little bit of a cough and even went to the doctor's office to have my white blood count checked. I talked to my doctor a little and said I was fine for the most part just a little bit of coughing here and there but nothing serious. Well later that night around 9:00 PM I started to have a cough attack and ended up in the emergency room at Davis Hospital. My awesome brother Josh was there as he works there to get me in quick to see a doctor. They ran some tests and checked my blood and got me some good cough medicine so I could sleep. They found I had a respiratory infection and the blood tests came back that my white blood count was low and that my platelets were low as well. So the next day I went back to my doctor and got a white blood cell booster shot and also scheduled a platelet transfusion at McKay. The platelet transfusion was August 29th and it was quick and easy but man do those things make you sick as can be. The good thing is the effect was short lasting and by the evening I was feeling a lot better.
So we've had a few bumps in the road since finishing the last round of chemotherapy to say the least. Its okay though because we could have had these after each chemo session and I'm so grateful that I didn't. It's a question of attitude. Is the cup half empty or is it half full. We can either go in with a good attitude and a grateful heart for all the blessings we have in our lives or be negative and be bitter which doesn't help us grow or learn. If we don't grow and learn what was the point of going through everything? God doesn't allow us to go through trials just because. I strongly believe there is a reason for it and if we are willing to submit to his will, I know we'll come out stronger physically and spiritually and will be better people because of it.
Monday, July 30, 2012
I've Been a Little Tired
I guess my posts are becoming more sporadic as the more chemotherapy I am doing, the more it is taking a toll on my body in the sense of being tired. I still feel good and am up and about doing the things that I need to get done, but that extra energy and focus is sometimes hard to find. I still consider myself very blessed as I am still able to do quite a few of normal things like go to the store, drive myself around, go to church (at least the first hour), and most importantly spend quality time with Gloria and Zoe.
Now for the update! As stated previously I was admitted to the hospital for a third round of chemotherapy on July 17th. It went well and I was home on Friday afternoon July 20th. I was a little bit tired though and unfortunately was not able to return to work the following week. During the 1st and 2nd round of chemo I was able to return to work by the following Thursday but it just didn't happen this time. All is okay because I was able to get a few work related items done from home and my friends at work (they are so much more than just co-workers) have been and continue to be a great support. I'm excited to be back in the office tomorrow and get some things done. There is a great feeling that is hard to describe about having some normality and even routine come back into one's life.
Until the next time, thank you for all your support and prayers!
Now for the update! As stated previously I was admitted to the hospital for a third round of chemotherapy on July 17th. It went well and I was home on Friday afternoon July 20th. I was a little bit tired though and unfortunately was not able to return to work the following week. During the 1st and 2nd round of chemo I was able to return to work by the following Thursday but it just didn't happen this time. All is okay because I was able to get a few work related items done from home and my friends at work (they are so much more than just co-workers) have been and continue to be a great support. I'm excited to be back in the office tomorrow and get some things done. There is a great feeling that is hard to describe about having some normality and even routine come back into one's life.
Until the next time, thank you for all your support and prayers!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Belated Update...Lots of News
My last post was July 8th and now it is July 17th today. The reason for such a delay is because the quality of effective care at the Radiology Department at McKay-Dee is greatly lacking. I had a CT scan on July 9th and they did not inform me that I needed to provide them with a copy of the first CT scan from the clinic where it was taken. The next day I went and got another copy from the Tanner Clinic and drove it up to the Radiology Department at McKay-Dee and hand delivered it and then things just went downhill from there.
A radiologist reviewed the first CT scan and instead of finishing his report and attaching his addendum to it, he didn't finish it until Friday the 13th and didn't finish it until the evening which by then resulted in my doctor's office being closed and unable to receive the report. I had an appointment yesterday July 16th with Dr. Johnson and even though both CT scans were in the system with their reports, the Radiology Department did not do a comparison of the two CT scans and therefore Dr. Johnson was unable to make an exact determination of the progress. How does it take someone a whole week to do a work up on one CT scan and then not even compare the two? Talk about inefficiency and a complete disappointment. Please note that this is the Radiology Department only. Dr. Johnson, his staff, and the oncology nurses at McKay are awesome!
The good news from all of this is Dr. Johnson was able to look at the two scans and determine that the tumor has shrunk around 40% from the first two rounds. That is great news! 40% is almost half and that is great progress. Dr. Johnson immediately consulted with Dr. Goff and even though Dr. Goff said he could operate it would be better to do two more rounds of chemotherapy to see if we can get the tumor down to another 40%. This would take away the danger and complications of having to sacrifice some major blood vessels and a major nerve that controls the diaphragm on the left side. So today it is July 17th and we are in the hospital for another round. I look at it this way. I've gone two rounds with this tumor, I have blackened both of its eyes, drawn blood from its nose, face, and mouth. I haven't quite knocked it out but that will happen after a few more rounds. I am kicking its butt and I don't plan on letting up on it. This is the Rocky in me.
Of course in all reality it is not me that is kicking this cancer's butt. I still truly believe that the Lord has his hand in every aspect of my life and that he is blessing me with the ability to be healed. In the New Testament of the Bible there was a blind man that was called by the Lord to come unto him. When he came unto Jesus he was asked what Jesus could do for him. He asked that he could have his vision restored and Jesus said to him, "thy faith hath made thee whole" (Mark 10:52). If faith can make a blind man see again then faith can heal me of this tumor. Thank you again to everyone for your continued support and prayers!
A radiologist reviewed the first CT scan and instead of finishing his report and attaching his addendum to it, he didn't finish it until Friday the 13th and didn't finish it until the evening which by then resulted in my doctor's office being closed and unable to receive the report. I had an appointment yesterday July 16th with Dr. Johnson and even though both CT scans were in the system with their reports, the Radiology Department did not do a comparison of the two CT scans and therefore Dr. Johnson was unable to make an exact determination of the progress. How does it take someone a whole week to do a work up on one CT scan and then not even compare the two? Talk about inefficiency and a complete disappointment. Please note that this is the Radiology Department only. Dr. Johnson, his staff, and the oncology nurses at McKay are awesome!
The good news from all of this is Dr. Johnson was able to look at the two scans and determine that the tumor has shrunk around 40% from the first two rounds. That is great news! 40% is almost half and that is great progress. Dr. Johnson immediately consulted with Dr. Goff and even though Dr. Goff said he could operate it would be better to do two more rounds of chemotherapy to see if we can get the tumor down to another 40%. This would take away the danger and complications of having to sacrifice some major blood vessels and a major nerve that controls the diaphragm on the left side. So today it is July 17th and we are in the hospital for another round. I look at it this way. I've gone two rounds with this tumor, I have blackened both of its eyes, drawn blood from its nose, face, and mouth. I haven't quite knocked it out but that will happen after a few more rounds. I am kicking its butt and I don't plan on letting up on it. This is the Rocky in me.
Of course in all reality it is not me that is kicking this cancer's butt. I still truly believe that the Lord has his hand in every aspect of my life and that he is blessing me with the ability to be healed. In the New Testament of the Bible there was a blind man that was called by the Lord to come unto him. When he came unto Jesus he was asked what Jesus could do for him. He asked that he could have his vision restored and Jesus said to him, "thy faith hath made thee whole" (Mark 10:52). If faith can make a blind man see again then faith can heal me of this tumor. Thank you again to everyone for your continued support and prayers!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
A Little While
Many of you know that my brother Nick has an amazing talent for writing songs and putting them into a great array of chords and melodies. A few years back he and some close friends of his created their band Double or Nothing. They have played many shows over the years and written hundreds of songs. I have to say they are awesome and have real talent. My brother expresses himself through song and when I was diagnosed with cancer it was hard for him to even come to my hospital room let alone know what to say to me. So he did what he does best and wrote me a song. It is called A Little While.
Through life's troubles and sorrows we need to keep in perspective that these things in most cases will only last a little while and even though some things may last our whole lives, our life is but a blink of an eye when we look at the eternal aspect of things. Please take the time to listen to this song, and think about your tough times and know that they will only last a little while.
A Little While
Through life's troubles and sorrows we need to keep in perspective that these things in most cases will only last a little while and even though some things may last our whole lives, our life is but a blink of an eye when we look at the eternal aspect of things. Please take the time to listen to this song, and think about your tough times and know that they will only last a little while.
A Little While
Monday, July 2, 2012
Loving Me Through This
This second round of chemotherapy has started to take a toll on me. I am losing more hair, I'm definitely more tired, and just struggling a little bit. That is how it works though, not until after the trial of our faith will we see the things that only God knows we need come to fruition.
I just happen to stumble upon a music video from Martina McBride called "I'm Gonna Love You Through It." This song really touched me because it is my story in reverse. My beautiful and loving wife Gloria is loving me through this. Through all the good moments and the unpleasant ones as well. She keeps me upbeat and happy. I am so grateful to her and her unconditional love. Thank you for being my rock, and my foundation through this spiritual and trying time. I love you with all my heart and I dedicate this song to you.
I just happen to stumble upon a music video from Martina McBride called "I'm Gonna Love You Through It." This song really touched me because it is my story in reverse. My beautiful and loving wife Gloria is loving me through this. Through all the good moments and the unpleasant ones as well. She keeps me upbeat and happy. I am so grateful to her and her unconditional love. Thank you for being my rock, and my foundation through this spiritual and trying time. I love you with all my heart and I dedicate this song to you.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Home from the Hospital
June 23rd - Annual David H Whitesides Golf Event
When my brother Ben and I were younger we use to go golfing for Father's Day with my dad and with my grandpa or Papa as we so lovingly called him. It was a great time for us to bond and have fun. Although I think the funnest part was listening to Papa curse when he would whiff or slice. He was sincerely upset sometimes at how he played so it was even funnier trying not to laugh, but who wouldn't laugh at hearing your grandpa say "hells bells" or "hell almighty" or "dammit all." Those are memories that I will be forever grateful for.
About three years ago my brother Ben and I talked about getting a tradition going with all the Whitesides brothers and of course dad to go golfing at least once a year around Father's Day. It has been an awesome bonding time together and it is something I look forward to all year long. This year was no different. We weren't going to let the cancer get us down and we golfed all nine holes and I was impressed with myself going all the way. Of course I slept quite a bit after but it was definitely worth it.
This same day after having a great time golfing, we went up to my parents house for lunch. What a surprise when I found the whole family there waiting to congratulate me on getting my MBA. My graduation was to be in Portland, Oregon on June 16th, but because of the circumstances of the cancer and treatment, if wasn't possible for us to travel up there so my family threw me a party here which was a lot better being surrounded by those that I love most.
About three years ago my brother Ben and I talked about getting a tradition going with all the Whitesides brothers and of course dad to go golfing at least once a year around Father's Day. It has been an awesome bonding time together and it is something I look forward to all year long. This year was no different. We weren't going to let the cancer get us down and we golfed all nine holes and I was impressed with myself going all the way. Of course I slept quite a bit after but it was definitely worth it.
This same day after having a great time golfing, we went up to my parents house for lunch. What a surprise when I found the whole family there waiting to congratulate me on getting my MBA. My graduation was to be in Portland, Oregon on June 16th, but because of the circumstances of the cancer and treatment, if wasn't possible for us to travel up there so my family threw me a party here which was a lot better being surrounded by those that I love most.
June 19th through 22nd - More Shots
My white blood count continued to be low so I was in the doctor's office everyday of this week getting a shot to boost it up. It wasn't that bad as it was time consuming finding the right time to go up to Ogden for the shot because this week I also returned to work and worked about 20 hours this week. The important thing to remember is the white blood cells are your body's defense system against infection and sickness so if they are too low and you get sick, it is a lot worse than just your common cold etc. There was one downside effect from the shots and it is that they make your joints and bones sore as the shots stimulate the growth of white blood cells. I'm happy though that with just a shot they can get the count back up so we can stay on schedule for the treatment.
Monday, June 18, 2012
White Blood Count Blah
Today I went to get my white blood count tested again because it was a little low last Thursday. I went in and had it tested in it was even lower. In fact my platelets are producing next to zero white blood cells so they had to give me a shot, and I will be getting shots all week in hopes that they can raise the white blood count otherwise I will have to postpone the second round of chemotherapy until it is stable. I was given the same instructions to avoid the crowds and especially even more shaking hands. I have a semi-important meeting I need to attend tomorrow and there will be lots of people so I've decided I will take hand-sanitizer and wear a mask. Maybe I can scare them by saying I have SARs or Swine Flu, but then the CDC would probably come in and quarantine me so I'll just let everyone's imaginations race as to why I have a mask on. This is just a small bump in the road and I am confident that we'll be able to start the second round next Tuesday as planned. Thank you again for all the prayers, thoughts, love, support, and good energy. Keep sending it our way because we can honestly feel it and it is helping me more than you know.
Father's Day...Awesome!
Today was my first father's day as a dad. It was one of the best days in so many ways. I was able to get lots of kisses from my beautiful wife Gloria and my Zoe Cakes. Gloria had traced Zoe's hand in my card and it melted my heart. She also gave me a pillow that says "My Dad is My Best Friend." Needless to say today I have been kind of a cry baby but tears of happiness and gratitude. Being a husband and father is the greatest role I could have ever hoped or asked for.
I went to Church today and it was a great to hear uplifting words and prayer. It reinvigorates me for the coming week ahead. I followed the doctor's orders though and to avoid a lot of contact I arrived late and left early even though I would have loved to stay and shake heads and shared hugs with all the wonderful members of the Emigration Trail Branch. They have been so wonderful. In the LDS culture people always say that the congregation that you go to is a ward or branch family and that has ever been so true as they have been there to mow the lawn, weed the garden, bring wonderful meals, clean the house, and just to let us know they are thinking about us and how much they love us. We feel very blessed to be a part of the Emigration Trail Branch Family. We Love You Too Emigration Trail!
To finish this post, thinking about Father's Day I had time to think about my own father or Pops as I call him. I was so emotional today that all I could manage was a text to him telling him how much I love him and that he has been and always will be my HERO! I can say that all the good in me as a husband and a father is because I watched my dad all of those years how he treated my mom and us kids. My dad taught me the importance of service and doing it because you love people. For about two or three years were were home teachers together and we really didn't teach very many lessons in all those years because we were always busy serving the families we were assigned by helping fix things. My dad is a jack of all trades and instead of putting on our white shirts and ties, we usually went home teaching in our work clothes, with tools in hand ready to fix an air conditioner, a swamp cooler, a fence, dishwasher, garbage disposal, and an array of other things. Pops, thank you for teaching me what it means to truly serve others!
I went to Church today and it was a great to hear uplifting words and prayer. It reinvigorates me for the coming week ahead. I followed the doctor's orders though and to avoid a lot of contact I arrived late and left early even though I would have loved to stay and shake heads and shared hugs with all the wonderful members of the Emigration Trail Branch. They have been so wonderful. In the LDS culture people always say that the congregation that you go to is a ward or branch family and that has ever been so true as they have been there to mow the lawn, weed the garden, bring wonderful meals, clean the house, and just to let us know they are thinking about us and how much they love us. We feel very blessed to be a part of the Emigration Trail Branch Family. We Love You Too Emigration Trail!
To finish this post, thinking about Father's Day I had time to think about my own father or Pops as I call him. I was so emotional today that all I could manage was a text to him telling him how much I love him and that he has been and always will be my HERO! I can say that all the good in me as a husband and a father is because I watched my dad all of those years how he treated my mom and us kids. My dad taught me the importance of service and doing it because you love people. For about two or three years were were home teachers together and we really didn't teach very many lessons in all those years because we were always busy serving the families we were assigned by helping fix things. My dad is a jack of all trades and instead of putting on our white shirts and ties, we usually went home teaching in our work clothes, with tools in hand ready to fix an air conditioner, a swamp cooler, a fence, dishwasher, garbage disposal, and an array of other things. Pops, thank you for teaching me what it means to truly serve others!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Update - June 14, 2012
I thought that I would get on here and give everyone a little update on what is going on in the Whitesides family. My nausea has been off again on again kind of like Rachel and Ross and believe me I wish the nausea and I were on a break...so I have started taking the anti-nausea medicine again and I seem to be doing great. I went to get my white blood count done today and I was told it was a little low and not to be alarmed. I have to get it tested again on Monday. The nurse was really nice and gave me a few instructions and said I should take into the account the following:
Avoid shaking hands and hugs with those that are not immediate family, don't they know that I go to a Spanish branch. Handshakes there are a minimum but hugs and kisses are expected, I guess I'll have to skip church for another week so as not to make anyone feel bad ha ha.
On another note, I went to work today. Yes that is right, I drove myself all the way down to Salt Lake City, and worked for about 4 hours. I felt like that kid who leaves home for the first time on his way to kindergarten. It was great to give my mind a break and get down to work on a few things that were pending there. Everyone was awesome and super nice to me. It was a great day to say the least. I was careful though to not handshake with anyone and I definitely did wipe down my desk, computer, mouse, etc.
Unless something else really eventful happens in the next few days I will post again on Sunday.
- Wash hands frequently
- Avoid large groups
- Avoid touching your face
- Watch for fever
- Watch for cold sweats
- Wipe down all surfaces with disinfectant
- Avoid shaking hands
- Avoid hugs with those that are not immediate family
Avoid shaking hands and hugs with those that are not immediate family, don't they know that I go to a Spanish branch. Handshakes there are a minimum but hugs and kisses are expected, I guess I'll have to skip church for another week so as not to make anyone feel bad ha ha.
On another note, I went to work today. Yes that is right, I drove myself all the way down to Salt Lake City, and worked for about 4 hours. I felt like that kid who leaves home for the first time on his way to kindergarten. It was great to give my mind a break and get down to work on a few things that were pending there. Everyone was awesome and super nice to me. It was a great day to say the least. I was careful though to not handshake with anyone and I definitely did wipe down my desk, computer, mouse, etc.
Unless something else really eventful happens in the next few days I will post again on Sunday.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Nausea, Skinny Bones, and Feeling Better
We haven't posted anything since Wednesday or Thursday mainly because I haven't been able to concentrate on writing because of all the nausea from the chemo-drugs. I would have to say that this is the worst part of the treatment is the nausea. However, I think I came out on top and won this round because I did not throw up and I have managed to eat regular food. The nausea didn't hit me until Wednesday and has continued pretty much through Saturday. It seems I continue to lose weight and I am probably just being self-conscious but I think I'm becoming too much of a skinny bones. The best way to describe it is I feel I have the rear end of an 80 year old man...completely flat and/or non-existent. It could always be worse though, I could be on the other end of the spectrum and have a booty bigger than J-Lo's. Hopefully I'll be able to get some walking and exercise in this next week to start rebuilding my physique that can only be compared to that of Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's. Overall today I am feeling a whole lot better then I did when I got home on Friday and I take that as a good sign that things are looking on the up and up.
I have talked a lot about faith in my other postings and it just seems to be the perfect theme for my batter with cancer. I read President Henry B. Eyring's talk from the previous LDS General Conference. He said "many of you are now passing through physical, mental, and emotional trials that could cause you to cry out as did one great and faithful servant of God I knew well. His nurse heard him exclaim from his bed of pain, when I have tried all my life to be good, why has this happened to me?”
I think that is safe to say that we've all felt that way at some point in our life. However, I do not believe that it is the attitude that we should have. President Eyring states that long before these trials come our way we need to build a strong foundation of faith in our lives. He stated that "if the foundation of faith is not embedded in our hearts, the power to endure will crumble." This happens through making right choices. Some of the things I can think of are obeying God's commandments, being a loving husband and father, and serving others.
Towards the end of his talk, President Eyring recounts his mother's battle with cancer. At her funeral it was said that they passed through this trial not because she had done something wrong, but because God wanted her to be polished just a little more. I have thought about that many times and if I am being polished to be a better person, a better husband, a better father, I accept that and the Lord's will and I will continue to put my faith and trust in the Lord's hands.
I have talked a lot about faith in my other postings and it just seems to be the perfect theme for my batter with cancer. I read President Henry B. Eyring's talk from the previous LDS General Conference. He said "many of you are now passing through physical, mental, and emotional trials that could cause you to cry out as did one great and faithful servant of God I knew well. His nurse heard him exclaim from his bed of pain, when I have tried all my life to be good, why has this happened to me?”
I think that is safe to say that we've all felt that way at some point in our life. However, I do not believe that it is the attitude that we should have. President Eyring states that long before these trials come our way we need to build a strong foundation of faith in our lives. He stated that "if the foundation of faith is not embedded in our hearts, the power to endure will crumble." This happens through making right choices. Some of the things I can think of are obeying God's commandments, being a loving husband and father, and serving others.
Towards the end of his talk, President Eyring recounts his mother's battle with cancer. At her funeral it was said that they passed through this trial not because she had done something wrong, but because God wanted her to be polished just a little more. I have thought about that many times and if I am being polished to be a better person, a better husband, a better father, I accept that and the Lord's will and I will continue to put my faith and trust in the Lord's hands.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Extra Extra! Read all about it!
This time we will let someone else tell the story!
http://www.standard.net/stories/2012/06/06/thymic-cancer-patient-throws-head-shaving-party
http://www.standard.net/
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Going strong!
Jona proves again to be an amazing warrior! 30 continuous hours of chemo and still going strong!! We are almost half way done for this cycle!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Time to Lay the Smackdown - Chemotherapy
Today we went to see Dr. Johnson this morning and everything looked good on my tests to start chemotherapy and so we decided why wait, lets take the fight to this lame weak tumor and lay the smackdown on it here and now! Tomorrow I will start chemotherapy at McKay-Dee. I will be there for three days in-patient and then home by Friday to recuperate. I am anxious to get this going and positive that it will be successful.
Today we had our head-shaving party and if this tumor only saw how much support I have, it would be wetting itself out of fear of what is going to happen to it. Today we counted around 38 wonderful people of family and friends that either shaved their heads, or cut off ten inches or more of their hair. It was a very touching and humbling experience. The only reason I didn't cry is because this was a fun and happy gathering, but had I cried it would have been because of love, gratitude, and admiration for the army that I have in my corner. In total we had around 90 people show up and had a great time shaving heads, cutting hair, eating food, and swimming. I am hyped and charged with such great energy, and love and support that tomorrow I go to the hospital not afraid, but eager to get one step closer to kicking cancer's butt! Thank you for all of your love and prayers, keep them coming because that is where we get the strength to move forward.
Today we had our head-shaving party and if this tumor only saw how much support I have, it would be wetting itself out of fear of what is going to happen to it. Today we counted around 38 wonderful people of family and friends that either shaved their heads, or cut off ten inches or more of their hair. It was a very touching and humbling experience. The only reason I didn't cry is because this was a fun and happy gathering, but had I cried it would have been because of love, gratitude, and admiration for the army that I have in my corner. In total we had around 90 people show up and had a great time shaving heads, cutting hair, eating food, and swimming. I am hyped and charged with such great energy, and love and support that tomorrow I go to the hospital not afraid, but eager to get one step closer to kicking cancer's butt! Thank you for all of your love and prayers, keep them coming because that is where we get the strength to move forward.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Quick Update - June 2, 2012
Just a quick update for those of you wondering what has been going on since Wednesday. The port-a-cath was inserted successfully and all is well with it. Thursday, Dr. Johnson's office called and cancelled the appointment because he was sick and so Monday I will have the appointment and will more than likely start chemotherapy on Tuesday or Wednesday.
Today my partner in crime, Gloria will be getting her hair cut to donate her beautiful hair to Locks of Love. I think that is awesome! I know that women really value their hair and so for Gloria to do something like that is very admirable. This will coincide with the head shaving party scheduled for Monday at my parent's house from 4-7 PM. If anyone is interested in joining us, please message me on Facebook or my cell phone and I'll get you the address. Until Monday, have a great weekend!
Today my partner in crime, Gloria will be getting her hair cut to donate her beautiful hair to Locks of Love. I think that is awesome! I know that women really value their hair and so for Gloria to do something like that is very admirable. This will coincide with the head shaving party scheduled for Monday at my parent's house from 4-7 PM. If anyone is interested in joining us, please message me on Facebook or my cell phone and I'll get you the address. Until Monday, have a great weekend!
Friday, June 1, 2012
From Gloria
I think it will be a total failure to even attempt describing my “Rocky” and how AMAZING he is in all extend of the word! While I read over and over again every single one of his entries on this blog I just get chocked up and overwhelmed with gratitude for having the honor to be his wife and partner in crime. Tears come to my eyes as I look through pictures remembering the first time we met and the beautiful memories we have made together. The Popular saying “Time flies when you are having fun” applies to us as we celebrate Nine years of marriage. When we were in Puerto Rico a few years ago I had told him that as long as we were together on our anniversary day it didn’t matter what we did or where we went. I think life tested my words since we spent our anniversary at the Hospital yesterday and I am SO glad I was able to be with him … if my stomach was a little stronger I think I could have clinged to the Cardiothoracic Surgeon’s leg or begged the anesthesiologist so they would take me in with Jona and not leave his side. In all reality being together is all that matters to me.
Jona expresses his love for me every day a few times per day and I never get tired of his sweetness. I will never forget May 5th while he was on the hospital bed, coming out of the anesthesia, being barely able to move or talk. With two drains on his stomach and a horrendous chest tube nonetheless with a big wound from the invasive surgery on his chest when Dr Goff gave him the news that his tumor was malignant and he had cancer…. I was expecting a face of disappointment or some sort of comment/reaction from him. I mean… that’s what you expect when you get bad news right? I had mentally prepared myself to give him strength and tell him that everything will be fine. To my surprise when the doctor gave him the news his first reaction was to immediately look at me, grab my hand and ask me if I was fine… seriously? He was there in pain with a tremendous fight ahead of him and he could only think of me and ask me if I was fine? I just smiled back at him and told him I was and that I was ready to fight with him! Acts do speak louder than words and I am so blessed to have such an amazing warrior by my side! I know we will win! I know we will come out stronger from this! I know we are not alone and we have an army on our corner giving us the strength we need to keep moving forward and more than anything our loving Heavenly Father WHO ALWAYS KNOWS BEST! I have unbreakable faith that Jona WILL be cancer free! And I am looking forward to that Day! In the mean time.. we will learn from this since we have been thrown in the refiners fire for a pretty good dang reason! We will one day sit down and look back at this as one more thing we overcame together! I love you with all my heart and soul my Rocky! You are out of this world!!!! CHEERS to many earthly years to come and an eternity together! I love you to pieces!
Gloria
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Port-a-cath and Anniversary - May 30, 2012
Yesterday we met with Dr. Goff as a follow-up on my sternotomy and he said it has healed really well. I am still restricted to only lifting 10 lbs. so no picking up Zoe for another month. This is the hardest part of it not being able to hold my baby girl, its okay it seems that she understands that daddy is sick and we still have fun rolling around on the floor.
Today I will be going into McKay-Dee and having a small out-patient surgery by Dr. Goff to insert a port-a-cath. Basically they make an incision just below the collar bone, they thread a wire and tube into the vein and then sealed the skin so there is nothing exposed. Then when they hook me up for chemotherapy, they just feel for the bump and insert the needle and that is it. It will be nice so I don't have to worry about an IV, or getting the area wet or dirty. Then tomorrow we have another appointment with Dr. Johnson to start chemotherapy. We are thinking he'll start me on it this weekend or the first of next week. With that being said we probably will have our head shaving party this Friday or Saturday. I will let everyone know when.
I know we have miracles even today. Many of them may be small miracles, but miracles nonetheless. Yesterday when Dr. Goff was explaining the procedure he said they usually install the port-a-cath on the left side because most people are right-handed and the port-a-cath can sometimes interfere with arm and hand mobility. He said unfortunately, the vein on the left side has been narrowed by the tumor and so we'll have to insert the port-a-cath on the right side to make sure we have a clear and open vein to receive chemotherapy. He apologized and said "I wish you were left-handed" to which I replied "I am." He smiled as if he knew this was a miracle for me. I won't have to worry about any short-term loss of mobility in my left arm or hand. I am grateful for these experiences.
Today marks our ninth anniversary. How fast time flies by. I remember the day that Gloria and I were married in the Bountiful Temple. It was such a beautiful experience and I am so thankful to have such a loving wife. She is my best friend, my strength, and my everything. She is such a good sport because today we'll be spending our anniversary in the hospital. She did say though that I need to beat this cancer and beat it good so that next year on our tenth anniversary we can be vacationing somewhere in another country looking back on this experience and how it has made us grow closer and looking to the future with great optimism. Gloria, I love you with all my heart and I am so grateful to have spent these past nine years with you, and I look forward to many more years at your side looking into your beautiful eyes and enjoying that beautiful smile. Happy Anniversary!
Today I will be going into McKay-Dee and having a small out-patient surgery by Dr. Goff to insert a port-a-cath. Basically they make an incision just below the collar bone, they thread a wire and tube into the vein and then sealed the skin so there is nothing exposed. Then when they hook me up for chemotherapy, they just feel for the bump and insert the needle and that is it. It will be nice so I don't have to worry about an IV, or getting the area wet or dirty. Then tomorrow we have another appointment with Dr. Johnson to start chemotherapy. We are thinking he'll start me on it this weekend or the first of next week. With that being said we probably will have our head shaving party this Friday or Saturday. I will let everyone know when.
I know we have miracles even today. Many of them may be small miracles, but miracles nonetheless. Yesterday when Dr. Goff was explaining the procedure he said they usually install the port-a-cath on the left side because most people are right-handed and the port-a-cath can sometimes interfere with arm and hand mobility. He said unfortunately, the vein on the left side has been narrowed by the tumor and so we'll have to insert the port-a-cath on the right side to make sure we have a clear and open vein to receive chemotherapy. He apologized and said "I wish you were left-handed" to which I replied "I am." He smiled as if he knew this was a miracle for me. I won't have to worry about any short-term loss of mobility in my left arm or hand. I am grateful for these experiences.
Today marks our ninth anniversary. How fast time flies by. I remember the day that Gloria and I were married in the Bountiful Temple. It was such a beautiful experience and I am so thankful to have such a loving wife. She is my best friend, my strength, and my everything. She is such a good sport because today we'll be spending our anniversary in the hospital. She did say though that I need to beat this cancer and beat it good so that next year on our tenth anniversary we can be vacationing somewhere in another country looking back on this experience and how it has made us grow closer and looking to the future with great optimism. Gloria, I love you with all my heart and I am so grateful to have spent these past nine years with you, and I look forward to many more years at your side looking into your beautiful eyes and enjoying that beautiful smile. Happy Anniversary!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Family, Friends, and Faith - Memorial Day Weekend
I am so grateful for Family, Friends, and Faith. I was going to title it my three favorite Fs or F-words but I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea or to get offended, ha ha. In all seriousness though today I wanted to write a little bit about each of these.
Family - How does one even start to describe what a blessing it is to have such a loving family. We all know that life gets busy. We all have our individual families with children, work, school activities, church, and lots of things pulling us different ways. What I am grateful for is that when it really and truly matters my family is there for me. Gloria my sweet wife is the rock of our family right now and I don't know what I would do without her strength, love, support, and care. She really has taken care of me not out of responsibility or pity, but because she truly loves me and I love her. I'm grateful for my daughter Zoe, she is such a joy to have and I love watching her grow everyday and she is my motivation to staying positive. If she's so much fun now, imagine how much fun it will be when she's eight, thirteen, or even sixteen? That in itself is reason enough to lay the SMACKDOWN on this cancer.
My parents have been awesome and continue to be a great support, best parents in the world. There hasn't been a day gone by without my mom and dad having called, texted, or visited to know how I am doing and asking how they can help out. Tia Lucinda has been such a blessing as she has been watchful over Zoe as we've been in the hospital and to multiple doctor's appointments. To my dear grandmother, I'm thankful that I'm in your prayers every night. To all my siblings for their great love, hugs, phone calls, texts, visits: Ben and Ness, Jefferson and Maria, Ash and Jake, Cass and Tay, Desi, Josh and Harm, Nick, and Dave.To all my nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins as well.To all our family in Ecuador, we can feel your love, your faith, and your prayers.
I would like to name every individual of our family near and afar but then this would start to sound like the Book of Numbers in the Old Testament and I don't want to put anyone to sleep. Know that I love each of you very much.
Friends - What can I say about friends and I'm not talking about how big my friend list is on Facebook. I'm talking about those wonderful people that come into our lives and make an impact for good. A true friend which so many of you are, isn't necessarily someone who is joined with you at the hip and you have to do everything together and always hang out. A true friend are those that although you may not talk to them everyday or see very often, they will be there when support and friendship are needed most. I've had friends get into contact with me as of late just to let me know my family is in their prayers, I think that is pretty awesome. Thank you for the numerous words of encouragement, the wonderful meals, and the faith filled prayers. A friend said that my family and I need not worry because we have an army praying for us, and that army is comprised of family and friends. Thank you, we love you, and ask for your continued prayers.
Faith - I think that faith is one of the greatest attributes that we can possess. How awesome is it that we can put our trust in someone or something that we haven't seen but we've felt it in our hearts that it is true. Faith for me is trusting that God hears my prayers and answers them. Faith is choosing to make righteous choices and trusting that we will be blessed for doing so. Faith is trusting in God that I will be able to overcome thymic cancer and to be healed from it completely.
I read an article in the June issue of the New Era, an LDS magazine geared towards the youth of the church. In it I read the following words from Elder Neil L. Andersen:
Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts—these are part of our mortality. But we are not alone. As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we have enormous spiritual reservoirs of light and truth available to us. Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only believe” (Mark 5:36).
I really liked the part about how fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. When we fear, we begin to doubt and then our faith becomes shaken. I am reminded of when Peter walked upon the water with the Savior in the New Testament. When he started to fear, he started to sink and asked that he be saved. The Savior then said to him, o thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? Faith has never led me down the wrong path and has always been the key to overcoming the challenges and trials I have had in my life. For that reason I am grateful for my faith in a loving Heavenly Father and a loving Savior.
Family - How does one even start to describe what a blessing it is to have such a loving family. We all know that life gets busy. We all have our individual families with children, work, school activities, church, and lots of things pulling us different ways. What I am grateful for is that when it really and truly matters my family is there for me. Gloria my sweet wife is the rock of our family right now and I don't know what I would do without her strength, love, support, and care. She really has taken care of me not out of responsibility or pity, but because she truly loves me and I love her. I'm grateful for my daughter Zoe, she is such a joy to have and I love watching her grow everyday and she is my motivation to staying positive. If she's so much fun now, imagine how much fun it will be when she's eight, thirteen, or even sixteen? That in itself is reason enough to lay the SMACKDOWN on this cancer.
My parents have been awesome and continue to be a great support, best parents in the world. There hasn't been a day gone by without my mom and dad having called, texted, or visited to know how I am doing and asking how they can help out. Tia Lucinda has been such a blessing as she has been watchful over Zoe as we've been in the hospital and to multiple doctor's appointments. To my dear grandmother, I'm thankful that I'm in your prayers every night. To all my siblings for their great love, hugs, phone calls, texts, visits: Ben and Ness, Jefferson and Maria, Ash and Jake, Cass and Tay, Desi, Josh and Harm, Nick, and Dave.To all my nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins as well.To all our family in Ecuador, we can feel your love, your faith, and your prayers.
I would like to name every individual of our family near and afar but then this would start to sound like the Book of Numbers in the Old Testament and I don't want to put anyone to sleep. Know that I love each of you very much.
Friends - What can I say about friends and I'm not talking about how big my friend list is on Facebook. I'm talking about those wonderful people that come into our lives and make an impact for good. A true friend which so many of you are, isn't necessarily someone who is joined with you at the hip and you have to do everything together and always hang out. A true friend are those that although you may not talk to them everyday or see very often, they will be there when support and friendship are needed most. I've had friends get into contact with me as of late just to let me know my family is in their prayers, I think that is pretty awesome. Thank you for the numerous words of encouragement, the wonderful meals, and the faith filled prayers. A friend said that my family and I need not worry because we have an army praying for us, and that army is comprised of family and friends. Thank you, we love you, and ask for your continued prayers.
Faith - I think that faith is one of the greatest attributes that we can possess. How awesome is it that we can put our trust in someone or something that we haven't seen but we've felt it in our hearts that it is true. Faith for me is trusting that God hears my prayers and answers them. Faith is choosing to make righteous choices and trusting that we will be blessed for doing so. Faith is trusting in God that I will be able to overcome thymic cancer and to be healed from it completely.
I read an article in the June issue of the New Era, an LDS magazine geared towards the youth of the church. In it I read the following words from Elder Neil L. Andersen:
Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts—these are part of our mortality. But we are not alone. As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we have enormous spiritual reservoirs of light and truth available to us. Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only believe” (Mark 5:36).
I really liked the part about how fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. When we fear, we begin to doubt and then our faith becomes shaken. I am reminded of when Peter walked upon the water with the Savior in the New Testament. When he started to fear, he started to sink and asked that he be saved. The Savior then said to him, o thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? Faith has never led me down the wrong path and has always been the key to overcoming the challenges and trials I have had in my life. For that reason I am grateful for my faith in a loving Heavenly Father and a loving Savior.
Echocardiogram - May 27, 2012
I am a little late updating everyone on this post. Thursday we went and had an echocardiogram done and I was a little worried because the ultrasound tech wanted to remove the steri-strips and I am still a little over protective of that area even though I'm sure it has healed fine. Needless to say she was able to get all the information she needed without removing them. When we finished Gloria asked her how it looked and her response was typical of any hospital personnel who is not a doctor. She said that only a doctor can interpret the results of the test and that they would let me know on Tuesday. Tuesday I have a chest x-ray and a follow up from the surgery. Wednesday Dr. Goff will insert a portacath into my chest in preparation for chemotherapy, which will be great so I won't have to be hooked up to an IV. Also the drugs being used are the strongest ones used for thymic cancer and so a portacath is the preferred method to receive the drugs. I will be getting a combination of: Cisplatin, Cyclophosphamide, and Doxorubicin. On Thursday May 31, I will meet with Dr. Johnson and he will let me know when I start chemotherapy. I'm hoping I can do it over the weekend but we'll have to see what he says.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Battle Plan - May 21, 2012
Today started out kind of rough. I was having a lot of pain in my left arm which is from a totally separate thing that comes and goes. I also let myself get too low on my blood sugar. The blood sugar was in a way amusing because when I blessed the food I said "thank you Heavenly Father for my son Jesus Christ" and then I started to mumble and not make sense. It took every bit of will power from Gloria to hold in her laughter. It was amusing to say the least. The day however turned out to be a great one.
I went to the oncologist and I have to say I am very grateful to be in the hands of Dr. Johnson and to finally have a Battle Plan to kick this cancer all over the place. As Gloria said, "It's Go Time!" I was impressed that Dr. Johnson wanted to know everything from my diabetes to my broken leg from 1999. He gave some very encouraging and valuable information. He said that in his 20 plus years of practicing he has never seen a thymic carcinoma spread to other areas of the body, that they usually stay contained in the chest area. He also said that he wanted to start with 2 cycles of chemotherapy, re-examine the tumor, and if it has been shrunk adequately, Dr. Goff can go back in and remove all of it. Dr. Johnson said if that is the case, then he is confident I can be cured completely from this cancer, and I have a lot of faith that I will cured from it.
I have to do an eco-cardiogram on Thursday to make sure my heart is strong enough for one of the drugs, and some more blood work to be done as well. If everything goes well with this I will probably start chemotherapy the first week of June. Dr. Johnson gave us the option of doing it outpatient or inpatient and Gloria and I decided that inpatient for the first cycle would be the best so that we can see how I do and so that Gloria can learn from the nurses what to look for and basically so both of us will have peace of mind. If I do well with the first cycle then the second I will do as outpatient. They want to be aggressive with this so each cycle will consist of three days of treatment followed by 2 1/2 weeks between the second cycle and then it will repeat. He said the drugs they will be using are very strong and it is more than likely that I will lose my hair. With that said, we'll be having a head shaving party the second week of June so if anyone wants to join us just let me know. I think having a positive attitude is key to this and so why not have a good time along the way.
To finish out the day our family came over and helped us finish up some weeding that needed to be done so that Tia Lucinda can start to plant flowers out front and some veggies in the back. It was a great night to have the family there and showing their love and support. Everyone has busy lives and it seems we always have commitments and other things pulling us every which way, I'm just grateful that when it truly is needed that my family is there, that is what counts!
I'm also grateful to all family and friends near and far. We have been so blessed with help in the house, help in the yard, delicious food on our table, visits, the facebook messages, the texts, emails, phone calls, and the list goes on and on. Truly we have been the receivers of charity which is the true love of Christ. I can't express how grateful Gloria and I are to know that we have an army cheering us on from all parts of the world. Thank you all so much. I'll have another update on Thursday.
I went to the oncologist and I have to say I am very grateful to be in the hands of Dr. Johnson and to finally have a Battle Plan to kick this cancer all over the place. As Gloria said, "It's Go Time!" I was impressed that Dr. Johnson wanted to know everything from my diabetes to my broken leg from 1999. He gave some very encouraging and valuable information. He said that in his 20 plus years of practicing he has never seen a thymic carcinoma spread to other areas of the body, that they usually stay contained in the chest area. He also said that he wanted to start with 2 cycles of chemotherapy, re-examine the tumor, and if it has been shrunk adequately, Dr. Goff can go back in and remove all of it. Dr. Johnson said if that is the case, then he is confident I can be cured completely from this cancer, and I have a lot of faith that I will cured from it.
I have to do an eco-cardiogram on Thursday to make sure my heart is strong enough for one of the drugs, and some more blood work to be done as well. If everything goes well with this I will probably start chemotherapy the first week of June. Dr. Johnson gave us the option of doing it outpatient or inpatient and Gloria and I decided that inpatient for the first cycle would be the best so that we can see how I do and so that Gloria can learn from the nurses what to look for and basically so both of us will have peace of mind. If I do well with the first cycle then the second I will do as outpatient. They want to be aggressive with this so each cycle will consist of three days of treatment followed by 2 1/2 weeks between the second cycle and then it will repeat. He said the drugs they will be using are very strong and it is more than likely that I will lose my hair. With that said, we'll be having a head shaving party the second week of June so if anyone wants to join us just let me know. I think having a positive attitude is key to this and so why not have a good time along the way.
To finish out the day our family came over and helped us finish up some weeding that needed to be done so that Tia Lucinda can start to plant flowers out front and some veggies in the back. It was a great night to have the family there and showing their love and support. Everyone has busy lives and it seems we always have commitments and other things pulling us every which way, I'm just grateful that when it truly is needed that my family is there, that is what counts!
I'm also grateful to all family and friends near and far. We have been so blessed with help in the house, help in the yard, delicious food on our table, visits, the facebook messages, the texts, emails, phone calls, and the list goes on and on. Truly we have been the receivers of charity which is the true love of Christ. I can't express how grateful Gloria and I are to know that we have an army cheering us on from all parts of the world. Thank you all so much. I'll have another update on Thursday.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Cancer Conference - May 16, 2012
Dr. Goff called today and said that after consulting with his colleagues at the cancer conference (I like to think of it as a Jedi Council or Fellowship from LOTR). He said that because the tumor has wrapped itself around a major blood vessel and nerve, he recommends that I see an oncologist for a few cycles of chemotherapy before they go in and remove the tumor. He said we can take the option of going in, removing the tumor, reconstructing the blood vessel, but that it does carry some risk and could cause complications. I asked him if pathology staged the cancer. He said yes but to be mindful that thymic carcinomas are rare and so the staging is different from other cancers. He said that it is within a stage 3 or 4 but that does not mean what a stage 4 would with leukemia, breast cancer, etc. He said that means that the tumor is malignant, it has moved outside the thymus gland, and some other things that I don't remember because we were trying to write things down as he stated them. It is a scary to hear your cancer is a rare one but I refuse to let that get my spirits down and to continue to have faith and strength.
One of my favorite role models is not even a real person. Its Rocky Balboa. In the final movie of Rocky, he is telling his son about how life is. I think it is very inspiring and one of my all time favorite movie clips. As cheesy as it sounds it helps me realize that we can't control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we handle it. We can either keep fighting or we can give up.
ITS NOT ABOUT HOW HARD YOU CAN HIT
Mother's Day - May 13, 2012
Today is Mother's Day and I can't tell you how grateful I am for the women in my life. My mother, my sisters, sister-in-laws, aunts, cousins, and friends. Today is especially awesome because it is Gloria's first Mother's Day. As you all know, Zoe came to our home through adoption and it was a long and hard road because we went through a lot of uncertainties of how and when our home would be filled with the joy that only a child can bring. Gloria is the best mother in the world. From day one, Gloria has had an unconditional and indescribable love for Zoe. Zoe has what is called mommyitis and I credit that to the love and care that Gloria gives to Zoe day in and day out. I LOVE YOU and Happy Mother's Day.
Pathology Results - May 11, 2012
Dr. Goff called and gave us the results from pathology. He said it is a thymic carcinoma and it just happens that only about 10% of all thymoma tumors are malignant. Too bad I can't have this luck with the lottery or winning tickets to see the World Cup. He said that he is going to have a cancer conference with several other specialists that include surgeons, and oncologists to discuss my case and to come up with a plan of action. So another few days waiting and thinking about what is to come. In the words of the prophet Joseph Smith, "I am calm as a summer's morning." I thought it would be difficult to say but it is not, I have thymic cancer. When we think about life's struggles I am reminded that we are here to tried and tested. Jesus Christ himself told Joseph Smith:
if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
We are called to pass through trials and even though cancer is a tough one to go through I am at peace knowing that I am a child of God and that he loves me and knows my worries, trials, and afflictions. I know that he is mindful of me and my physical and spiritual needs. He is mindful of my dear wife Gloria and my beautiful daughter Zoe. I have faith that everything will be fine. I don't know how many of you get the Ensign the LDS Church magazine, but we were on the back cover of the most recent issue. The quote fits perfectly for what we are going through and it was comforting to have it.
How blessed we are, my brothers and
sisters, to have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives and in our
hearts. It provides answers to life’s greatest questions. It provides meaning
and purpose and hope to our lives,” said President Thomas S. Monson during the
closing session of the 182nd Annual General Conference. “We live in troubled
times. I assure you that our Heavenly Father is mindful of the challenges we
face. He loves each of us and desires to bless us and to help us.”
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